The Man in the Arena

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

-Theodore Roosevelt

Love at first sight...

Love at first sight. Controvertible indeed is its existence. I, for one, am a firm believer in it. Why? Because as of right now, I am but a helpless victim of it. The word 'Love' may often impress an overstated importance, especially suspect in my case. But I believe words such as, 'infatuation', 'lust', or 'attraction' are too feeble in meaning to describe how I feel. Whatever it is I'm feeling, I am feeling it so immensely my cognitive faculty is handicapped. Logical becomes illogical. The boundaries between sky and ground blur. I cannot think straight.

I thought, following each rejection and fumble-up, that I would finally get over this mushy nonsensical feeling I am experiencing. Oh god how wrong was I. Even as I am writing this now, nothing has changed. I am still crazy about you, as I was the night I met you. I am not gonna deny, the first time I met you I was checking you out(lol) but as I began talking to you, I just realised how amazing you are. Perhaps you do not remember a single word you said to me--probably because I was not an engaging a conversationalist as I ought to have been-- but I remember almost all of it. How any of that made me think you are beautiful, I do not know. I want to know. I truly do. But alas, it just wasn't meant to be. I fumbled up one too many times. Forget fucking up my first impression. I fucked up the first ten impressions.

Fate.

Are obstacles put in place to deter us from realising a fate that wasn't meant to be, or are they there for us to overcome it?

The evening glow pervades the sky as you're in your room up to your usual stuff thinking today would be as uneventful as the day before. You hear someone rapping on your door so you make your way to the door and peer into the peephole. All you see is a shoulder dangling in the peripheral prompting you to come out to see who it is. He's leaning against the outer wall of your room and with eyebrows furrowed, he says, "grab a coat and come join me for a walk." He conveys it in a manner you can't say no to so you slip into your favourite jacket and join him. You engage in small talk as he leads you from your room to a perch five minutes away which overlooks downtown from atop the mountain. The sun is in its descending motion. The conversation gradually gets more intimate, his eyes never leaving yours once and then suddenly theres a lull in the conversation but the silence is not awkward at all. Instead, a warm wave washes over you. He turns away for a moment glancing at the magnificient view and as he transfixes his gaze on you again, flakes of snow start to float down gently peppering the red/orangy evening sky.

Tell me I'm awesome.

Qualms

There is a few things that tick me the fuck off and I need to get them off my chest:

1. How people keep saying I look good now. I mean, what the fuck? How the fuck does coming to Canada change the way I look? It's not like the authorities make it mandatory for immigrants to undergo makeovers in special booths stationed outside customs. And how they expect me to grow out my hair when I get here. I'm pretty sure it is common knowledge how my hair is coarse and dry and given my chronic scalp condition, growing out my hair would be a real pain in the butt when it comes to maintenance. Fucking morons.

2. How people say I look so much like my mom. Oh thanks for telling me I look like a woman. No wonder people burst out in laughter when I say I'm a guy. Fucking morons.

3. How people say I'm pessimistic. I'm sorry that my idea of what's probable and realistic doesn't match that of yours. Heck, in spite of how absurd and eccentric my ideas and arguments may seem to be, they are usually more analytically and logically sound than yours will ever be. And in that I'm positive. Fucking morons.

Bye.

booo....

Original plan was for me to talk about my first ten days here divided into a post each. However, the combination of a hectic schedule(yeah rite) and my sloth-like habits has squashed that ambition. At least I tried to upload whatever pictures I took on my blog but sadly due to certain complications, that plan has been delayed until I feel like trying again. Haha.

Anyway, my time here has been rather awesome. Downtown Vancouver kicks ass and there are so many tourist attractions here it's mind boggling. Unfortunately, I have yet to make the time(and initiative) to visit everyone of them but since I'm spending 3-4 years here I am in no rush. The thing about this place is everything here is so organised and everyone is so polite and friendly. Back home, you strike up a conversation with random people and they get suspicious and shit. Here, it's like the norm to talk up whoever you are standing in the lift with. I'm still accustoming myself to it. Well, I have to if I wanna make friends don't I?

Hmmm.. my social life here, has been decent so far seeing as I willingly turned into a recluse a couple of years ago. I meet alot of people and I introduce myself to a fair few but I'm so bad with names and faces and I'm not that memorable either so it's abit of a challenge. Been hanging out with a couple of dudes from Africa though. They're pretty cool. The social scene in my dorm is pathetic though. Everyone is so fucking shy(Asians especially) its hard to get a decent conversation going. The locals are generally friendly though but it's hard to talk to them due to lack of common interests and stuff. All they talk about is hockey and I have no fucking idea how it's played. Maybe I should take the initiative to learn how its played. Hmm, parties on campus are non-existant so every friday night it's like borefest but there are drunk people roaming around aimlessly and they are funny to watch. LOL. There is a pub on campus though which checks for ID as to prove one is of age and fuckin' Malaysian Mykad and Lisen Memandu do not show our age so I'm pretty pissed off.

Girls here, hmmm overall there is a considerable amount of eye candy here. Sadly, my floor is almost devoid of hot chicks and has a gross surfeit of guys. I could say the gender makeup on my floor is 65% males 35% females. So I have to stalk girls from other buildings. Hahah. They don't know it yet. They will. When they find me on the adjacent rooftop with a telescope in hand.

Studies here has been pretty laid back(maybe its just me). Professors and teaching assistants are pretty funny but certainly not as good as the ones I had back in A levels. I miss them. Assignments are a bitch and I'm lazy but I do try and hand them in on time. Failed my first calculus test. Didn't know it was going down so I wasn't prepared. Haha. I need to focus man otherwise I won't be able to do an honors. Or something. OK bye.

Touchdown

This is gonna be a real short update as my uncle's gonna bring me around in a minute. So I landed in Vancouver around 10.30 am on Saturday Malaysian time after what seemed like a lifetime on the plane. It's gonna take a couple of days at least to regain senses in my hip area. The doctor said physical therapy might be a possibility as well. Anyway, will update later tonight.

EDIT:
It's 4.30 and I'm calling it night so here I go. For the time being, I'll be coming online using one of my uncle's PC's in his study. It's not that my notebook is broken or anything, I'm just too lazy to set it up. haha.

So, after what seemed like eternity on the airplane, I arrived in Vancouver around 7.30pm. First thing that came to mind was the state of my now infirmed buttocks thanks to 11 hours of sitting, sitting and sitting. Pulling myself out of my sedentary position took a valiant effort. I think I should be awarded a medal or something.

Anyway, after the perfunctory 'thank you for flying with China Airline' announcement, I made my way down the crowded aisle and out the hatch, mentally bracing myself for the oncoming culture shock that I assumed was gonna hit me the first thing I step out of the plane. Surprisingly, it didn't come. Correction. It hasn't come. Yes, I'm still rather listless about this affair as a whole. Can't say the same about my dad though. He looks like he just overdosed on laughing gas. haha

Afterwards, my dad and I had to part ways for awhile while at the airport seeing as I'm in Canada as a student as opposed to my dad who's here for recreational purposes. International students arriving in Canada have to first check-in with the imigration office. After having my student visa certified, I exited the immigration area to the luggage collection area where my dad was. Following the collection of my four luggage bags, I proceeded to next aisle-like area where friends and family welcome the new arrivers. Met up with my uncle and his family at the end of the aisle and exchanged those warm obligatory words rife in family reunions.

We didn't tarry around too long as we were all fiending for some food so we made our way to my uncle's Honda Acura. Hoisting my luggage into the boot was a real test of strength especially in the famished state I was in. After some discussion, we decided to have A&W for dinner since my aunt had coupons. I'm not really a fan of fast food joint burgers but the Mozza burger I had there was oh-so-delicious. We headed straight for home after that. After heaving the luggage up to where I was sleeping, my dad and I took turns washing up and finally, hit the sack. Goodnight.

That was end of day one. Or day quarter. I dunno. I'm tired so pardon my sloppy writing. Will upload the pics as soon as I get my notebook set up.